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Running Over

I wonder if I’m the only one out there who can tear up during the opening assembly at Vacation Bible School watching the kids sing the catchy little songs?  No, I’m not PMS’ing, and, no, I’m not pregnant again. But as I held Emily in the the sanctuary and watched her watching those “big kids”, my heart was definitely touched, as deep or deeper than it has ever been, and I caught myself choking back tears!

When I was growing up, VBS meant taking all our little friends with us to have fun at church.  Did it occur to us that we were actually learning something? Probably not at the time. I don’t know about the others, but I sure did. And I realize more everyday just how much I did learn!  For example, each day when I change Emily’s clothes in the morning and at night, I always say, “UP and OVER!” as I pull her onesies over her head… then, the song begins… and it comes from out of nowhere or out of somewhere deep inside… “Running over, running over, my cup is full and running over, since the Lord saved me, I’m as happy as can be, my cup is full and running over….” and I see Jean Hess or Joanne Poe making the motions in front of the group and everyone following along.

See Psalm 23:4-6:  ”You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.”(NIV)

We were learning so much more than little songs and phrases, things that stick, like “meat” on our bones.  It’s so important to me to root Emily in the same things. I want her to lean back on these things that are rooted so deep she can’t run from them.  She’s 4 months old. She goes to church (most weeks).  She’s going to VBS and not just to stay in the nursery!  Tonight, I actually left her with the choir secretary, Ms Hazel, b/c Robbie wasn’t there yet and it was my night to volunteer in the nursery.  I left her with someone she really didn’t know (but I knew well), just so she could hear the music and see the bigger kids.

But there’s something missing from VBS in Black Jack…. adults.  When I was a kid, you had at least 1/2 as many adults as kids at VBS, even people who didn’t have kids…. now, not so much.  I love that Emily is watching the bigger kids and will (hopefully) follow in their steps, but who are the bigger kids looking up to?  Are their parents present or did they drop them off and leave?  The 2-3 teachers per class?  There’s a lot more than 2-3 kids in each one… (there are 120 kids enrolled at VBS this year).  I know it’s the end of summer, but if you get a chance, go with your kids to VBS.  I guarantee your heart will be touched.  If VBS has already passed in your area, then go with your kids to church and read Bible stories to your kids. You won’t regret it!

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I love you THIS much!

Things are going well out here in our parenting adventure. This past weekend was especially interesting. For some reason, Emily decided that she was going to scream and cry for us, for just about every minute she wasn’t asleep or eating. It was GREAT! :)  Thank goodness for Robbie, who would come and take her from me and give me a break. We actually found out that he was the key!  Apparently, she just wanted to be a “Daddy’s Girl”! She would just calm down and be all good for him.  I have to say, as the Mama who meets ALL her needs each day, this made me feel kinda blah! But at the same time, watching them bond is kinda precious.

Have you ever read the book, Guess How Much I Love You?  It’s a really cute book. I’ve seen it on shelves for years, but, I’ll admit, I never actually read it until this past week.  I grabbed the closest book to keep Emily occupied before bed one night and this is what I came across. The book in a nutshell is the baby bunny telling the bigger/older bunny, “I love you this much….” followed by the bigger bunny saying, “but I love you, THIS much.”  :)   Here’s a quick excerpt:

“‘I love you as high as I can reach,’ said Little Nutbrown Hare.  ’I love you as high as I can reach,’ said Big Nutbrown Hare.  That is very high, thought Little Nutbrown Hare.  I wish I had arms like that.”

And it goes on and on, the little bunny says one thing and the bigger bunny says something even bigger.  I love this story.  Mostly because I see this love much more clearly now.  But, through the relationships I have with Robbie and Emily, I see how “Guess How Much I Love You” is a game I play with God daily!  I tell God thank you and assume my blessings are the “sign” of how much he loves me, but I think that just makes him laugh.  It’s so funny that we attempt to praise God with a sentence “Thank you Lord for my blessings,” or “How great you are, Lord” when he is giving back stuff that is so much BIGGER than we are, because HE is bigger than we are!  If we truly want to attempt to love God as much as he loves us, we’re gonna have to do a lot better than that!  So, I’m praying it out and trying to figure out how to show him how much I love him. It has to be more than words or “worship” (praise and song).  I’m thinking it has to be service, but it’s the where and when I have to keep my eyes open for.

Hope you guys have a great week!! Go read Guess How Much I Love You by Sam McBratney  the next time you’re walking through the book section. I bet you’ll love it, too!!

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A Mommy Challenge

I have been dying to blog for a WEEK!! It’s been a few days since I could get to it due to some technical issues and it feels like I’m going nuts!  :)  Like I have no outlet for all these things running through my head… what did I do with all that stuff before blogging anyway??? I guess I just talked a lot.  Oh wait, I still do that….

Anywho:  This is what has been on my mind I wanted to blog about. I was at a family birthday party last week and I got to catch up with a cousin I haven’t seen in ages.  She is a very sweet girl (well, woman now,  all grown up), single, pretty, funny as all get-out.  While I was holding Emily on the couch next to her, she said, “So, what’s the best thing about being a Mom.”  I drew a blank. I mean a REAL blank.  “No pressure, just the first thing that comes to mind.”   Yeah, really, I had nothing but a big fat pause and “That’s a really tough question” as a reply.  Really?

Did she really want to know the first thing that came to mind?  Cause it was “exhaustion”… and that’s not something I love.  Other words/phrases that crossed my mind, “insecurity,” “I’m always wrong,” “spit up,” “2 a.m. feedings,” “lack of showers,” “dirty diapers,” “overwhelmed,” “when she pinches my neck with her sharp little nails” and then the generic, “when she smiles it just melts my heart.”  How fake is that?

I had no good answer to this question that day, and I still may not have it today, but the best way I know to answer you, Renee, is “the joy”.  It wasn’t immediate, I’ve posted that before. And it isn’t a joy I feel just knowing I have a child.  It’s a very specific joy. It’s the feeling I get from looking at her and knowing not only that I have been blessed with a child… but I have been blessed with THIS child.  This beautiful, sweet-natured, good baby.  She is healthy.  She is so strong.  And she is my charge.  It’s more than a responsibility, it is a purpose.  It’s the overwhelming feeling of joy you get when you realize that you are not in control of any of it, God is.  The joy is that the weight we try to carry all by ourselves is lifted, because God is carrying it with us and for us!  It’s the humility of wondering what I’ve done to deserve something so “perfect” in my life. Haven’t I made mistakes? Haven’t I messed up big time?  How do I deserve her?  How can I make my short-comings up to God (and to her)?

Even with all the mistakes and failures, I have still been given this purpose:  to be Emily Ruth’s mom (and to pray that she grows into that name, b/c it is a really strong one).  I guess for now, I’ll just have to keep praying it out daily.  In Deuteronomy, there is a verse (16:15) that says, “For the LORD your God will bless you in all your harvest and in all the work of your hands, and your joy will be complete.”  It’s a verse regarding old testament laws about feasts and sacrifice.  The people were supposed to come offer thanks at the feast, essentially to worship and praise God for their blessings.  God gives us our needs, He blesses us, and in return we worship Him and thank Him for his goodness, it’s a great cycle!  It’s not about my insecurities, it’s about being happy and thanking God for what I have.

Whew,  now I know how others used to feel when I put them on the spot.  Thanks, Renee, for the inspiration to dig deep!  I would also like to make this post a challenge to all my other new mom friends out there, and to my sister… I want to hear what you think is the best thing about being a mom!!  You can reply below… but, if you’re my sister, I would love it if you would start your own blog!!  I love reading blogs and seeing what other people are into.  Sarah, you’re the best mom I know (short of our own mom) and I would love to hear your insights!

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Happy First Father’s Day!

to my sweet husband, Robbie, who seems to, so far, enjoy fatherhood! Fatherhood is so much different than motherhood. At least it is at my house. It’s like all the responsibility ultimately falls back on mom, but Dad is there to come to the rescue (most of the time).  I loved the skit a group did at church this morning. It was the Top 10 Best (and Worst) things about being a dad.  One of the entries was “It’s so wonderful when your child looks at you and thinks you are “superman”. You can do anything.”  And the worst list included, “Being expected to be superman.”

I know I’ve expressed before the problem I’ve seen since becoming a mom: I just can’t do everything.  I get so frustrated sometimes with my “mom” + wife + professional duties, feeling like I’m alone out here doing “everything” that I forget the stress the daddies can feel; the pressure to perform and provide, the pressure to be the “leader”, the pressure to know how to do anything and everything at the drop of a hat.  My husband can not be my “everything”.  Neither can my baby or my job nor my own earthly father.  This father’s day, I’m reminded to look up, pray, OFTEN and sincerely.  God can be my everything.  And by going to him with even the small things, the burdens and expectations I place on myself and my spouse can be eased–maybe not completely lifted, but at least lightened.

The sermon text today at our church was Eph 6:1-4.  The first verse, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord,” is more than just a call to be obedient. It’s a lesson for the parents as well… “in the Lord”.  It’s a call for us to give our children wise counsel, to raise them in the ways of the Lord, to not lead them astray or put them in harms way.  Why should children respect and obey a parent who is clearly flailing?  We have to be steadfast and focused.  It is more evident to me every day there are things Emily has inherited from us, even habits, but there are even more she learns from us everyday, even at 3 months old.  If you don’t believe me, here’s an example: This week, Emily sucks her thumb…. her left one… with her right hand playing with the hair on top of her head.  Robbie used to do this as a baby/child. With his left thumb in his mouth and right hand in his hair.  That’s something she “inherited”.  And like the last post showed, she’s already learned to stick out her tongue from mimicking her daddy.  It makes it all the much more clear that we really need to mind our p’s and q’s.

Hope you guys have a great week!  Thank  you to all you dad’s out there for being there for us moms! May God give you the strength and courage to guide your family in God.

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Are you “Somebunny”?

somebunny

Emily is growing like a weed. She is 7 wks old tomorrow!  This is the first week that I’ve felt like my “baby” is really not going to be my “baby” much longer!! She now fits in her 0-3 month clothing, including the undies and pants (that previously just fell off if you picked her up).  One of the cute outfits she has (that now fits) says, “Somebunny Loves Me”.

It is absolutely adorable. When Emily has trouble sleeping or is really fussy, sometimes we play Michael Buble music.  The CD in the stereo in her room is “Crazy Love”.  Sometimes she falls asleep by “Crazy Love” (#4), but one night this week, it took longer and we got to:

“You’re nobody til some-body loves you.  You’re nobody til somebody cares. You may be king, you may possess the world and it’s gold. But gold won’t bring you happiness when you’re growing old. The world still is the same, you never change it. As sure as the stars shine above, you’re nobody til somebody loves you. So find yourself somebody to love.”

You gotta love that Dean Martin for those lyrics, but isn’t it a sad sentiment?  You’re “nobody” til “somebody” loves you?  There are so many lonely people in the world.  Some are lonely by choice, others just because, some because of bad choices they have made in life.   There’s a lot of pressure in the world to find “somebody” who can be your “everything”. Somebody who can make you feel like “somebody.”   Apparently the way I view songs like this is a little different now that I’m the mother of a baby girl.  My baby is too a somebody and not just because I love her!

Yesterday was Mother’s Day and YES, a mother’s love is very important.  My mom carried me and pushed me into this world, then labored with me for these past 33 yrs. And that’s what I’ll do with Emily.  But mom’s love didn’t make me “somebody”, it just helped maintain it.  Just like my husband can’t be my somebody and, one day, Emily’s can’t be hers.  She is a somebody because God took the time to form her and give her life. We all are. I’m so glad I found my somebody. I’m so glad that I found a savior to fill that spot, who redeemed me and made me somebody.  If you’re out there feeling lonely and wondering if you are “anybody”, take another look around. God is everywhere, looking for you and waiting to make you his somebody.

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