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a season on thankfulness

Of course I love my FB account. I check it at least every day, in the evening, while I’m watching TV.  This month, it’s been interesting to see people posting all the things they are thankful for each day. Some people made a specific post each day (ie, “Day #4: ….. “, etc.) Others just put up something they were grateful for each day (like myself). Truth is, I am super thankful this year. Not only is Thanksgiving a wonderful time of family celebrations of thanks for the whole year, but this year, it is also a celebration of my wedding anniversary, coming on the heels of the birth of our second child!   I’m thankful for our family, our extended family, our church family, our friends and everyone who has prayed for us this year.  Lord knows we still need and covet your prayers daily!

So, here we are, 4 years and 2 kids later… who knew how blessed we could be?!?   It all just feels surreal.  Enjoy pictures of our growing family!

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a tale of two women

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way—…” Thank you, Charles Dickens.

Today I became acquainted with two women who are extremely different. The first, made me completely ashamed to call myself a “Christian” in so many ways. If you follow this blog, you may know that I work in a cancer doctor’s office. You may also know he is a Muslim and that doesn’t bother me. What does, however, bother me, is the attitude of patient #1 today. She was a new referral to the office who insisted she know my bosses religion before she would be seen. We let him answer that directly for her and offered her to go to another office. She declined leaving. However, I spent a RIDICULOUS amount of time with her as she explained, “It’s about religion for me…. It matters… It’s just important to me… I pray to God and he prays to Mohammad.” I’m a southern girl. I can be nice and sweet. I can also be very direct. So I asked, “How is it different if you are white and he is black? He won’t treat you any differently.” “That’s not the same,” she replied. “What if he was Jewish, would that matter?” “I just can’t explain it to you, you don’t know me, but for my reasons, no.” I attempted to go back in church and Biblical history enough to explain to her the gray area she is pressing into, but she wasn’t well-versed enough in the Bible to know where she was going. Closed-minded. Is he going to care for her any differently than anyone else? No. Is she going to get top notch care? Yes. REGARDLESS of her religious preference or feelings toward him. Today, he had more grace and poise than this woman who claimed to be a “Christian”. It makes my stomach churn to even think of her.

The second woman was one of the most stunning examples of Christianity I have ever seen and she never told me she was a Christian. She was standing behind another lady in line for the checkout window. Patient A (in front) was told she had a $211 balance (she’s been paying on it for a while). She politely asked if she could write a check for $20. Of course we said yes. She’s a good patient. She’s struggling. She’s depressed. She’s a cancer survivor but not all survivors are hopeful. Her spouse is also a cancer survivor. She admitted to me today she is depressed but doesn’t want to take meds. Patient B waited patiently for her turn. When she got to the window, she told our checkout girl she didn’t mean to overhear, but she was going to pay that lady’s $211 balance… in full… tear up the $20 check she wrote. Send her a note that says it was paid anonymously, as a gift from God.

What a day. It is the best of times.. it is the worst of times… it is the age of wisdom and the age of foolishness…

Father God, help me to see your ways this clearly everyday. Thank you, Lord, for shining examples of your Love. Please open the eyes of my first patient today. Help her to see you work in many vessels, not just the ones she expects.

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the difference

I work in the cancer business. In my line of work, I commonly use the phrase, “Isn’t it amazing the difference just one year makes?”  I use it for the patients who were soooo extremely anxious when I first met them, to the point they could barely hear, “You’re gonna be ok,”  (Note: This particular subset of patients have very early disease with a terrific prognosis…like >95% at 10 yrs.)  After one year, they’ve overcome the battle. They are moving back to normalcy again.  Many times, their entire perspective on life has changed.  I also use it for patients who are “go-getters” (kind of like myself). The ones who run and run and work and work and their cancer just slows them right on down, knocks them for a loop.  Their perspective on life is also different.

That brings me to where I am now, not with cancer (praise, God), but with Emme. I can’t believe that (almost) 1 year ago, my water broke at 3 a.m.!  I was happy being married and living with Robbie.  I had some idea my world would change, but I had no inkling just how much. The following hours were painful, the following days surreal. We were parents.

In the following weeks/months, finding the balance between work and family has been much harder. I hate leaving her for work some days. Some days I cry the whole way to work after I drop her off. Sometimes I just call my mama. :)  She always knows how to make it better…

Oh, the difference the last year has made for Emily, who has grown and cooed and giggled and rolled and “da-da’d” and splashed and cuddled and crawled and now stands and tries to walk…  my baby is no longer a baby!  :)  Here’s some photos from her birthday party this weekend.

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love doubts…

It’s hard to believe Valentine’s day is tomorrow.  In the past 12 months, my vision of “Love” has changed so much, it is difficult to express in words!  The overwhelming love I feel for Em each and every day is amazing, and because I love her more and more, it feels like I love Robbie more and more and when it feels like I love them more it feels like I love EVERYBODY more!  It seems like with this overflowing fountain of love abundance I would be bouncing like Tigger all the time!

But, alas, that is not how the world works, not how life works. In the past 2 months, I have watched 2 people who are dear to me suffer loss. One the loss of a child, one the loss of a husband.  I have tried to intercede for them in prayer. I have tried to encourage and support them.  Have I done a good job? God only knows. I hope so. Has any of it been helpful? God only knows. But hopefully they know I am here if they ever needed anything at all.

It’s easy to see God’s love in the good times, isn’t it? To see his joy, like he’s smiling down on you. But what about the bad times?  What does God’s love look like then?  The mother who has lost her child feels cheated, purposeless.  The God who “loves” her has taken her child from her at age 6.  The widow feels abandoned, betrayed, her self-worth is in question, she is persecuted and some nosy people are judging her.  The God who “loves” her has “let this happen” (as people say).  The lies have run so deep.  How can these two strong women of faith move forward?  It’s enough to make even this love-high person start to doubt love… what it looks like, what it is, that I have it in my life, that I even begin to grasp it.

Then God reminded me that I can believe in love; I can believe in him and that he has it all under control. Because “Love is patient, Love is kind, it does not boast or envy.  It is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”   (1 Cor 13: 4-8)

These friends are making it, even with the struggles facing them, because they believe in the Love of God more than the love of man. Praise God for his many blessings in my own life and for the strength he has given my friends. Lord, please continue to hold them in your arms and give them peace. Please pray for my friends and for those around you who are struggling with Love.

I know this has not been the happiest, post, so here are a few pics to brighten it up.

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and Happy New Year!

I’ve been debating what to post for our New Year post this year and I’ve found it pretty difficult. I wanted to write about change, resolutions, a multitude of things. Instead, I’m writing about Jehovah. At church this morning we were singing the song, “Days of Elijah” and the line repeats, over and over, “There’s no God like Jehovah” and that part of the song is always where my mind wanders. Not to bad things, but to more focused things, like the names of God. When I was younger, a young man in my church converted to become a Jehovah’s witness. At a Wednesday night Bible study, it’s all he could talk about, that Jehovah was the ONLY name of God. It is true that Jehovah is a name of God, but not the only name given of God in the Bible. I’m personally partial to “I AM.” But, today, I do want to mention some of these Jehovah “compound names” seen in the old Testament. This is just a sampling: Jehovah – Jireh: The Lord Who Provides (Gen 22), Jehovah – Rapha: The Lord Who Heals (Exodus 15:22-26), Jehovah –Nissi: The Lord Our Banner (Exodus 17:8-15).

When my mind wandered this morning, it was to, “There’s no god like Jehovah, There’s no god like Jehovah–my Healer, There’s no god like Jehovah–my Provider, There’s no God like Jehovah–my Victor!” and each line just filled my heart with so much more joy. In the last week, I’ve rejoiced in the holidays with my family over their health and being together. I’ve felt some heartache as I left my mountain home to come back to my east coast home. I’ve been excited for 2 friends who have gotten engaged and for the new life being born in my family. And I’ve wept for a new dear friend who lost her son in a tragic accident the day after Christmas. My prayers for 2011 include that everyone in my circle and family would know there’s no god like Jehovah. There is none like Him. Behold He comes!

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